Celebrity Skinny Dude: Adrien Brody

In my attempt to bring you Skinny Dudes from all walks of life, from time to time we will feature a Skinny Dude who makes more money than you (A Celebrity). Fear not, haters of celebrity gossip - you will find no gossip here. Only straight up TRUTH and FACTS about Skinny Dudes. Without further adieu, I present our first Celebrity Skinny Dude - Adrien Brody

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There is something important to be said about Adrien Brody and his power as a Skinny Dude. A Skinny Dude is kind of like a girl with a lazy eye. On paper, there's really nothing good about either. The world we live in tells us that dudes should be strong, bulky and drive Hummers and sweet ladies should only have eyes that face in the proper, symmetrical directions. But if we look at either of these theories in practice, we find some serious flaws:



Hello there, Kristen Bell. I see that you have a lazy eye. I also have heard that some people consider you to be "hot". I would now like to drop some knowledge on y'all, so prepare thyselves accordingly. Part of the reason that Kristen Bell is hot is BECAUSE of her lazy eye. History has shown that girls with lazy eyes are almost always found to be attractive. The reason is because the lazy eye is so damn intriguing. You might be merely attempting to glance at a lady, but if she has a lazy eye - you end up staring, even if you aren't a lesbian or are a gay dude. This is because the lazy eye triggers the "something ain't right here" portion of your brain (picture here for reference), and the brain tells you - "You better investigate this further".

What does this have to do with Skinny Dudes, you ask? Well, dear readers, the same Science is at work with Skinny Dudes. Much like the trickery inherent in the lazy eye, Skinny Dudes wield the same power of intrigue. Sometimes this intrigue provides a convenient segue into perceived hotness. And we all know that hotness + skinny = POWER. Celebrity Skinny Dude, Adrien Brody, proves this beautifully.



When Adrien Brody won his Oscar, he walked right up on stage and planted one on Halle Berry. No bodyguards bum rushed the stage because Adrien Brody is not only Skinny, but he is smart. He sucked-in-his-face while he sucked-face in order to remind everyone that "Hey - this is under control. Skinny Dude at work here". I remember watching that telecast and hearing the initial shocked "GASP!" from the audience and the soothing "SIGH..." that immediately followed. No one even had to say "It's ok...IT'S OK! HE'S SKINNY!" We all knew we were in good hands.

You know what else Skinny Dude Adrien Brody gets to do? Hold a monkey.



Again, a testament to Adrien Brody's smarts (that portion of his brain must be larger than the cartoon portion). He has this photo taken while standing NEXT TO a Fatty. Again reminding everyone, including the monkey, that this shit is under control. Skinny's in the drivers seat.

I'd like to congratulate Adrien Brody for being so Skinny. You are slim beacon of light, guiding us all toward better days.