Name: Nate R.
Age: 25
Occupation: Copywriter
Status: Skinny & Single
Weight: 148.5
Waist: 29"
A: Well, first I should thank you for bringing your Skinny into our home. We appreciate it. I feel thinner just being around you. We’ll start with the particulars. What size jeans do you wear?
SD: 29X32
A: Where do you shop?
SD: H&M, but all my jeans are Levi’s.
A: Do you feel they have good jeans for a Skinny Dude?
SD: Yeah, I actually bought real skinny jeans recently, it’s the first time I’ve owned “official” skinny jeans. They did the job.
A: They were men’s skinny jeans?
SD: Yeah. I don’t wear women’s jeans.
A: Sometimes Skinny Dudes have to wear women’s jeans.
SD: Yeah…I don’t do that.
A: Have you ever been mistaken for a child?
SD: Yes, all the time. Or…a minor, I should say. Most people don’t believe I’m 25. I think most people think I’m about 17.
A: Yeah…well, that’s the Skinny for ya. How much food would you say you eat in a day?
SD: Well, I definitely eat three meals…probably at least three snacks. I kind of eat constantly. At the office there’s always free food and so I’m always taking advantage of that. There’s a movie theater popcorn maker there...
A: Oooh!
SD: ...So I eat that a lot. When it first came out I was having four bags a day. It became a problem.
A: but you never gained an ounce, I take it?
SD: Well, for the longest time I weighed like, 135lbs and according to the scale in my friend’s bathroom I weigh 150lbs now.
A: Now??
SD: Yeah.
A: Well, you don’t look an ounce over 130.
SD: Yeah, so…that might be an inaccurate scale.
A: What is your favorite food?
SD: I could eat Stouffer’s French Bread Pizza’s forever. I’ve been eating those for as long as I remember. I used to come home everyday after high school and eat one.
A: Those rule. You said they have a new package, what’s that all about?
SD: They do have a new package. It’s a cheaper feeling wrapper. It’s more loud and crinkly, while the other kind was more of a soft, more heavy-duty plastic. But this one has the seam you can tear open with your hands, where as the other one you had to cut open with a knife.
A: What is your favorite flavor of Stouffer’s French Bread Pizza?
SD: Pepperoni.
A: Ok. Let’s see…What is the smallest crevice you’ve ever squeezed through? This is an important question, as it is part of the Skinny Dude Olympics.
SD: Oh man…
A: You’ve had to have shimmied your way through something at one point or another in your life…
SD: Well, I’m sure there have been ones skinnier than this, but the skinniest one that I can remember is in Ypsilanti. There is an abandoned paper mill with a dam & a waterfall on the other side of fence that leads up to the side of the abandoned building. But there’s a crack in the fence that you can squeeze through, if you’re lucky. You can go down this concrete platform and look over the river on the waterfall. I’ve been able to squeeze through that & take in the majestic views of the ghetto.
A: Were you the only one in your group of friends that could make it through?
SD: I was with my friend Bobby who is also very skinny.
A: Oh…can you put me in touch with him?
SD: I can try, he’s hard to get in touch with.
A: Alright, see what you can do. So what would you do if you weren’t skinny?
SD: I think people would think I was less novel. I’d go a lot slower on my Vespa. I think people would be less amused by my food blog. Maybe people would think I was my age. People must think all the time “Why is this 17 year old guy talking to me?”.
A: What is the hardest part about being a Skinny Dude?
SD: When people are always telling me, “Well, someday you’re gonna get fat!” because I’m pretty convinced that I’m not. If you look at my family, we’re all skinny. Even into old age. And we also have beautiful, luscious heads of hair on both sides. So I’m not very worried.
A: What can the world do to better cater to the skinny kind? What more can we do?
SD: Turn up your thermostats higher, provide a lot more free food. Because just because I’m skinny doesn’t mean I don’t want to eat a lot. It’s quite the opposite, I digest food quickly so I need to eat more. And I’m always on the hunt for food.
A: Do you have any tips for aspiring Skinny Dudes? Aside from dieting, which would disqualify them from this blog?
SD: If you’re an aspiring Skinny Dude, I’d say cut it out because you’re not fooling anyone and it’s going to come back to bite you in the ass someday.
A: Sweet. Well, I think that’s it. That’s the interview. So…let’s go get some red lobster.
And we did, dear readers. We went and got some red lobster. Nate R. ate 93 shrimp. I witnessed this. He is a true Skinny Dude, and one that I am very proud and honored to know. Thanks for your time, Nate. Keep being Skinny.
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2 comments:
I would like to point out that I am wearing an American Apparel shirt here.
nate, you could go lower then size 29 waist. i was wearing size 30 for two years. Had to give it up to size 32 this summer i thought i had a hernia. apparently they were just too tight (probably my thingie is too big too). I'm just saying i think it is weak you are only rocking 29.
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