Skinny Dude Shopping: American Apparel

When I am hanging out with my throng of Skinny Dudes, one of the most common complaints I hear is, "I'm tired of shopping at JCPenny Kids. Where, oh where, can I get men's clothes that are made for a Skinny Dude, like me?!". I usually reply with the standard, "Quit your bitching, Skinny. Do you think that these five Taco Bell Big Box meals are going to eat themselves? You need less words in your trap, and more tacos". Or something else that reminds them that they are here for my amusement, not to yap at me all day and night. However, even I recognize that there may be a Skinny Dude not (currently) in my posse who has randomly happened upon this blog wondering the same thing. Where does a Skinny Dude find clothes that fit his tiny, tiny waist? No fear, Skinny Dudes. I am here to help.

UNLESS you are a Skinny Dude, there is no reason for you to shop at American Apparel. Yes, even you "coked up, you'll never be skinny enough for him to love you" hipster skinny ladies - don't need to shop there. The reason for this is because the world caters to the ultra-skinny lady. You can find clothes for your kind anywhere. Not so with the Skinny Dude. No, Skinny Dudes must take their frail, skin-and-bones bodies to the streets, wandering aimlessly, bodies draped in ill-fitted cloth until they happen upon the blinding white lights of the aforementioned hipster mecca. American Apparel carries a muthafuckin' 25 inch waist. FOR DUDES. No longer must a skinny dude be the victim of the tyrannical 28inch jean. American Apparel reaches a cold, famished hand in the general direction of the nearest Skinny Dude and says "Oh hello there, you look rather skinny. Perhaps you'd be interested in some jeans - or even leggings...perhaps? Come on in! Do you know where I can score some blow? I do. Ask one of our employees."



And so it goes. I apologize, Skinny Dudes. Due to the fact that you are so delightfully Skinny, American Apparel is one of the few stores you are able to find clothes that fit you. You have to shop there, and if I see you lingering outside, I have to judge you. So don't linger. Run in and out, and conceal your face while doing so.

American Apparel, if you're reading...Yes, you can advertise on this blog for a small fee. Email me at skinnydudes@blogspot.com


Source for this gem.

Celebrity Skinny Dude: Adrien Brody

In my attempt to bring you Skinny Dudes from all walks of life, from time to time we will feature a Skinny Dude who makes more money than you (A Celebrity). Fear not, haters of celebrity gossip - you will find no gossip here. Only straight up TRUTH and FACTS about Skinny Dudes. Without further adieu, I present our first Celebrity Skinny Dude - Adrien Brody

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There is something important to be said about Adrien Brody and his power as a Skinny Dude. A Skinny Dude is kind of like a girl with a lazy eye. On paper, there's really nothing good about either. The world we live in tells us that dudes should be strong, bulky and drive Hummers and sweet ladies should only have eyes that face in the proper, symmetrical directions. But if we look at either of these theories in practice, we find some serious flaws:



Hello there, Kristen Bell. I see that you have a lazy eye. I also have heard that some people consider you to be "hot". I would now like to drop some knowledge on y'all, so prepare thyselves accordingly. Part of the reason that Kristen Bell is hot is BECAUSE of her lazy eye. History has shown that girls with lazy eyes are almost always found to be attractive. The reason is because the lazy eye is so damn intriguing. You might be merely attempting to glance at a lady, but if she has a lazy eye - you end up staring, even if you aren't a lesbian or are a gay dude. This is because the lazy eye triggers the "something ain't right here" portion of your brain (picture here for reference), and the brain tells you - "You better investigate this further".

What does this have to do with Skinny Dudes, you ask? Well, dear readers, the same Science is at work with Skinny Dudes. Much like the trickery inherent in the lazy eye, Skinny Dudes wield the same power of intrigue. Sometimes this intrigue provides a convenient segue into perceived hotness. And we all know that hotness + skinny = POWER. Celebrity Skinny Dude, Adrien Brody, proves this beautifully.



When Adrien Brody won his Oscar, he walked right up on stage and planted one on Halle Berry. No bodyguards bum rushed the stage because Adrien Brody is not only Skinny, but he is smart. He sucked-in-his-face while he sucked-face in order to remind everyone that "Hey - this is under control. Skinny Dude at work here". I remember watching that telecast and hearing the initial shocked "GASP!" from the audience and the soothing "SIGH..." that immediately followed. No one even had to say "It's ok...IT'S OK! HE'S SKINNY!" We all knew we were in good hands.

You know what else Skinny Dude Adrien Brody gets to do? Hold a monkey.



Again, a testament to Adrien Brody's smarts (that portion of his brain must be larger than the cartoon portion). He has this photo taken while standing NEXT TO a Fatty. Again reminding everyone, including the monkey, that this shit is under control. Skinny's in the drivers seat.

I'd like to congratulate Adrien Brody for being so Skinny. You are slim beacon of light, guiding us all toward better days.

Famous (?) Skinny Dude: Bradford Cox

I hesitate to call this dude famous, because I don't know who the eff he is. However, he is so wonderfully Skinny that he had to be featured. His name is Bradford Cox, apparently he is in some band and holy lord - he is skinny:





I feel like this is important to share in order to give y'all a frame of reference for what I mean when I say "Skinny Dude". This blog is not about your average dude who is on the trim side. I'm sure you're thinking "Oh no...no. Not THAT Skinny!" Yes...YES! Always and ONLY that Skinny. This dude has Marfan Syndrome, which is a connective tissue disorder. Joey Ramone also had this disorder. Wikipedia tells me that people with Marfan's are typically tall, with long limbs and long thin fingers. Wikipedia does not, however, tell me that a benefit of having this disorder is that you become crazily Skinny. That being said, I don't think that Bradford can be an official Skinny Dude due to his medical condition. I will give him an honorable mention though. Keep it up Bradford!!! I think you have no choice - but keep it up anyway!

I hope this helps you all understand what we're talking about here in regards to the Skinny.

Skinny Dudes Defined - Part 1

The first order of business on this blog will be to define a Skinny Dude.

If you find yourself shopping in the children's section - you might be a Skinny Dude.

A true Skinny Dude is not concerned about his weight. A Skinny Dude is not a pussy, he's just Skinny. No dieting - you are not a true Skinny Dude if you diet. You generally eat approximately 3000 calories a day, yet never manage to gain an ounce. You've always been Skinny - you don't know why or how - it just is.

We are also not interested in Skinny Dudes who are Skinny because of their meth or heroin addiction. 100% naturally Skinny only. If you happen to smoke a bunch of weed, eat constantly because you have the munchies all the time - and yet still are super Skinny - that is ok.

Contrary to what YouTube says - THIS is NOT a Skinny Dude, even if the title of the video is "Skinny dude with glasses trips on acid!"



That is, however, a normally sized dude with big problems. Nothing Skinny about him, and this ain't a blog about dudes with problems. Skinny Dudes have no problems, ever. They are gleefully Skinny. What problems could they possibly have?

I don't want to list height/weight requirements. If you think you might be a Skinny Dude - you're probably wrong, but go ahead and send your picture to SkinnyDudes@gmail.com - I'll size you up and decide if you qualify to be featured on the blog.

Skinny Dudes cannot be children. Most children are Skinny, but until they are at least 18 years old, they are not considered Dudes. Skinny Children do not interest me.

Japanese people seem to have an unfair advantage. All of their dudes tend to all be Skinny Dudes. Lucky for all y'all Japanese Dudes - I am not excluding you from this blog. In fact, that Japanese dude that eats the hot dogs - Takeru Kobayashi - used to be a Skinny Dude, but then he fell victim to one of the most tragic things that can happen to a Skinny Dude - he got strong. More on that some other time. Japanese dudes - you are welcome here.

I can't see this dude from the front, but I'm willing to bet that he would meet the initial Skinniness criteria for a Qualified Skinny Dude. Jesus Christ, look at those legs. They are like little twigs. Skinny little twigs. Holy shit, that guy seems to be quite skinny. I worry that he is addicted to heroin though, thus disqualifying him. We may never know.

Finally - I wonder how gay this blog will get. In doing an initial search on Flickr for Skinny Dudes, the results seemed a little gay-heavy. Straights, do not let that deter you from submitting your photo. While I cannot guarantee that a gay will not masturbate to your skinny image, what harm would that really do you? You should be happy that the gays appreciate your Skinniness. Everyone knows that they way to a ladies heart is through her gay friends. Win them over by letting them gaze upon your frail, skinny body.

We will continue to define what a Skinny Dude is throughout the life of this blog. The true criteria will become clear through interviews with real Skinny Dudes and further analysis of Skinny Dude culture. I do hope you stick around.

Welcome

Hello various fans of Skinny Dudes & Skinny Dude culture.

You may not yet realize that you are a fan of Skinny Dudes or you may even be wondering if you are a Qualified Skinny Dude.

You are a fan of SD's - this blog is going to show you why.

Chances are good that you are not a QSD - this blog will not only detail the rarity of a QSD but it is also going to outline specific criteria that will help you never wonder about anything ever again.

This blog will also cover a range of different subjects that pertain to Skinny Dudes. Intriguing topics like Where to buy pants if you are a Skinny Dude, Skinny Dude Celebrities, Interviews with Real Skinny Dudes, Submit a Skinny Dude, Skinny Dude Spottings, How to Tell a Real Skinny Dude from a Fake Skinny Dude, and much, much more. It's all leading up to the 1st Annual Skinny Dude Olympics, which will take place one year from this very first blog post. This blog is going to be fun, stupid, and wildly commercially successful.

I guess I should tell you that I am not a Skinny Dude. I am a lady, and I would not consider myself Skinny by the standards that this blog is going to set forth. This blog will not focus on Skinny or Non-Skinny Ladies. Only Dudes. Ladies, please feel free to read and comment - especially if you are pro-Skinny Dude. If you are anti- please leave immediately. Your kind is not wanted here.

Thanks for visiting! Come back soon and tell your friends! Only 365 days to the First Annual Skinny Dude Olympics!