When I am hanging out with my throng of Skinny Dudes, one of the most common complaints I hear is, "I'm tired of shopping at JCPenny Kids. Where, oh where, can I get men's clothes that are made for a Skinny Dude, like me?!". I usually reply with the standard, "Quit your bitching, Skinny. Do you think that these five Taco Bell Big Box meals are going to eat themselves? You need less words in your trap, and more tacos". Or something else that reminds them that they are here for my amusement, not to yap at me all day and night. However, even I recognize that there may be a Skinny Dude not (currently) in my posse who has randomly happened upon this blog wondering the same thing. Where does a Skinny Dude find clothes that fit his tiny, tiny waist? No fear, Skinny Dudes. I am here to help.
UNLESS you are a Skinny Dude, there is no reason for you to shop at American Apparel. Yes, even you "coked up, you'll never be skinny enough for him to love you" hipster skinny ladies - don't need to shop there. The reason for this is because the world caters to the ultra-skinny lady. You can find clothes for your kind anywhere. Not so with the Skinny Dude. No, Skinny Dudes must take their frail, skin-and-bones bodies to the streets, wandering aimlessly, bodies draped in ill-fitted cloth until they happen upon the blinding white lights of the aforementioned hipster mecca. American Apparel carries a muthafuckin' 25 inch waist. FOR DUDES. No longer must a skinny dude be the victim of the tyrannical 28inch jean. American Apparel reaches a cold, famished hand in the general direction of the nearest Skinny Dude and says "Oh hello there, you look rather skinny. Perhaps you'd be interested in some jeans - or even leggings...perhaps? Come on in! Do you know where I can score some blow? I do. Ask one of our employees."
And so it goes. I apologize, Skinny Dudes. Due to the fact that you are so delightfully Skinny, American Apparel is one of the few stores you are able to find clothes that fit you. You have to shop there, and if I see you lingering outside, I have to judge you. So don't linger. Run in and out, and conceal your face while doing so.
American Apparel, if you're reading...Yes, you can advertise on this blog for a small fee. Email me at skinnydudes@blogspot.com
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1 comment:
H&M is also highly recommended. Take it from me, a skinny dude.
Let it also be known, skinny dudes, that if you buy an XS t-shirt YOU SURE AS HELL BETTER NOT PUT THAT THING IN THE DRYER because, even as skinny as you are, it will shrink and you will look like a total asshole for wearing it, no matter how well it initially fit you.
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