Saturday, November 22, 2008

Skinny Dude Mailbag: How do I bulk up?

Welcome to the first installment of Skinny Dude Mailbag, where you - the reader - send in a question, and I do my best to answer it. You don't have to be a Skinny Dude to send in a question. You may be a regular dude or lady, or even a fatty, who has a question about a Skinny Dude. I think that I can help. Send your questions to skinnydudes@gmail.com, post them in the comments or enter them in the chat box to the right!

QUESTION:

Dude im a skinny guy, actually im underweight...

im a 5'6 1/2, 105-112 pound puerto rican born in Boston MA, except im almost never hungry and im even somewhat strong for some reason...i work out once in a blue moon...randomly...

But i do care about getting bigger i try but it seems almost impossible cuz i get full so damn easy and have almost no damn appetite...i used to be insecure about it and i still am a little bit but not as much as before. I do have advantages...But its still taking a while for me to get comfortable with it cuz im am embarrassed to show off my body in public and to take my shirt off...i feel comfortable with my cloths on and with extra layers kinda feels like armor...and i have an obsession with any violent street fighting games and weapons and almost always ready for a fight...

im not an athlete.

I been sizing people up all my life, even myself, i want someone to see for their self for once what im all about...u tell me...

I'll send you a pic of myself...

what do you think this all means?


Well, Skinny Puerto Rican...

First, I think you have problems. That is the number one takeaway from this correspondence. Your main problem is your skinny-loathing. Why would you possibly want to be any bigger than your wonderful skinny self? Fat dudes want to be you, hipster ladies want to share their jeans with you...what's the problem, exactly? Instead of burying what God gave you under layers of oppressive armor you should be shirtless and in the streets! Walk up to every person you see, point to your chest (which should have "JEALOUS?" scrawled across it) and give people a sassy look. I imagine you would look something like this:

Jaslene Gonzalez

So stop all this wanting to fight people and focus on your advantages - being Skinny. Ask any fellow Skinny, the rest will just come naturally.

2 comments:

Nathan J Rogers said...

They way I see it, this guy has two options: 1. Start jogging or something to speed up that metabolism and eat more, then start pumping iron. 2. Embrace the skinny-ness and take advantage of women who will think you're cute for being small. They'll probably buy you things, feed you, show you off to friends and maybe even get on top in bed.

most biggest said...

1) Start smoking. 2) Stop smoking. 3) Get fats.